On The Down Swing

For The Sunday Whirl writing prompt: Wordle #121

Words are:  wallow, circle, illuminate, scatter, striking, race, concrete, hitch, incentive, strain, pounding, stark


On The Down Swing

Would like striking illumination but lacks
any incentive for seeking the same.
Having hitched all her wishes
on a race after impossible dream,
she now wallows in stark, darkening circle
of depression and pounding headaches.

Says nothing is concrete, all thoughts strained
and scattered, like small pebbles tossed
into fast moving water: soft, almost soundless
ker-plunk,  then gone.

Elizabeth Crawford 8/11/13

notes: Know this is a bit dark but the words only reminded me of my dad’s old blue Plymouth that I called “The Old Blue Goose”. Told him it wallowed like a pig in mud and would probably die if he ever got her up over sixty. He promptly got her to about 90 and I got the fastest ride home ever.  Learned never to besmirch a man’s chosen chariot without a bit of thought. Anyway, the word wallow seemed only to suggest the car, or someone having emotional difficulties. Obviously chose the emotional image.

About 1sojournal

Loves words and language. Dances on paper to her own inner music. Loves to share and keeps several blogs to facilitate that. They can be found here: https://1sojournal.wordpress.com/ https://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/ http://claudetteellinger.wordpress.com/
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11 Responses to On The Down Swing

  1. Nanka says:

    I remember those elephantine Plymouths on the streets here in my childhood and a little later the very same, wallowing in depression..This is so true about them 😉


  2. That is very dark but sometimes our thoughts travel in that direction. I love the story about your dad’s car.


  3. annell4 says:

    I enjoyed your poem. And your memory.


  4. oldegg says:

    Having tossed many pebbles in water since childhood I liked the idea of thoughts and perhaps dreams too being tossed in this way to solve problems. It certainly is a satisfying occupation.


  5. Mary says:

    Sad about ‘wallowing’ in depression. I wonder about that expression sometime though, as I think that people who ARE depress don’t choose to be….and the word ‘wallow’ seems to make it like it is their choice to stay where they are. I enjoyed your memory of your dad and his ‘chosen chariot.’ I guess he showed you. Smiles!


  6. Marianne says:

    Powerful … and thoughtful piece, Elizabeth. I especially love the last stanza.


  7. Yes, it is hard not to judge people when they are depressed, from the outside it can look like they are wallowing in it. In fact they probably are, because the tought of making changes is too hard… Anyway, I loved the sound of the thoughts going kerplonk! And I also loved the memory of your father’s car!:)


  8. Irene says:

    The words suggest a similar direction for me. Like the kerplonk resolution.


  9. Why is it, I wonder, that so many of us get caught up in racing after impossible dreams?

    A Short Whirl


  10. Pamela says:

    This is dark, Elizabeth, seems the words took some of us there. Well done.



  11. ms pie says:

    it is always interesting the ride to look back and remember…. dark is just the other side of light… we live in both…. my remembrance of a ride with my dad is definitely scary and dark… i don’t think i am brave enough though to really go back and remember and write… brave little girl who writes with big girl hands… bravo… !!!


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