Raising The Bar

For Sunday Whirl: Wordle #20
http://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/

Raising The Bar

Hordes of pallid, quivering,
birdlike women, hitched
to domineering ego-centered
males, might be part of her
history, but she knows a rebel
blooms just beneath the surface.

Refusing to crawl beneath
bar set so low that only
a foolish goof would go there,
racks her brain, exploring
ways to avoid that rock studded,
stunting existence.

Elizabeth Crawfordย  9/4/11

Notes: I do not like this poem. First verse is okay, but would have preferred different word choices for the second one. Such are wordles made of. No offense Brenda, but the first image that came to mind, when I saw the words, was a flash from Beach Blanket Bingo, with bikini clad youngsters doing the Limbo by bonfire light. Really had to take it in another direction, lol.

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About 1sojournal

Loves words and language. Dances on paper to her own inner music. Loves to share and keeps several blogs to facilitate that. They can be found here: http://1sojournal.wordpress.com/ https://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/ http://claudetteellinger.wordpress.com/
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12 Responses to Raising The Bar

  1. brenda w says:

    Elizabeth, it is interesting as I read through the pieces today, how so many of us entered bars. I know it was one of the words, but the exploration inside those spaces has fascinated me through the reads. I like the idea of a Beach Blanket Bingo poem. haha… Never offended by your words, Elizabeth.

    Thank you Brenda, glad to hear that. I think perhaps, that my bar days are so far behind me that it never occured to me to go there, lol. The Limbo image wasn’t appealing but it did give rise to the lifting and lowering of a bar of some sort. Lucky me, right?

    Elizabeth

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  2. It fascinates me too how we each use the wrods so differently. I like your work even if you’re not satisfied with it yourself.

    Daydreamertoo, I am also fascinated by how we all hear and then use the words. That’s why ‘goof’ gave me so much trouble. Not a word I would easily use. And that is one of the best things about the wordles. They challenge us and ask us to go beyond our comfort zones. That was certainly true with this one.

    Elizabeth

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  3. Mary says:

    I do hope that rebel who is right beneath the surface will rise and be able to put that ego-centered dominating male she is hitched to in his place! LOL. (I don’t know about you, but I found the word ‘goof’ hard to fit in!)

    Lol, Mary, she did over twenty years ago. That doesn’t mean she is free of others who think it is their sole purpose in life to set her straight and direct her to more proper interests. Amazing really. And yes, I almost gave up because I really didn’t want to use the word goof at all. Ah, the things we do. Thanks for visiting and commenting,

    Elizabeth

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  4. magicalmysticalteacher says:

    Elizabeth, I’m rejoicing at your honesty: “I do not like this poem.” You can (and I’m sure you will) rewrite it at some point–as I will rewrite mine, without that word “goof,” which seems to me to just goof things up this week! ๐Ÿ™‚

    My Wordle 20

    MMT, thank you much. Poetry is what keeps me honest in a very real way. And yes, I like that first stanza enough to go back at at later time, and rework the whole poem. Goof was difficult, but I think it is good to be challenged beyond our norm.

    Elizabeth

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  5. Elizabeth, you may not like this, but I found some honesty in this piece. I am particular to that type of writing. Goof was particularly difficult to work with.

    Pamela

    Pameala, thanks and I seriously thought about not doing it at all because of that word. I was in college during the eighties and was definitely taking serious note of the feminist movement. The level of honesty has to do with the past, mostly, lol.

    Elizabeth

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  6. Susannah says:

    I love the sense of honesty in this Elizabeth. ๐Ÿ™‚ And like you I found the word goof very difficult this week! But it is always a challenge and so interesting to see where the wordle words lead.

    In my younger days they definitely would have led me to a bar and I would have been the one acting goofy. And I agree with you Susannah, I like where the words lead us. Thanks

    Elizabeth

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  7. Nanka says:

    Harsh realities and bitter truths of society which is not acceptable for many ….. why do women have to endure that stunting existence?? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
    Liked your second verse which talks a lot of sense!! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Well thought!!

    Not really sure Nanka. Part of it has to do with the centuries of training built into our psyches. I’m glad I live now rather than a hundred or more years ago. But then, my grandmother survived and her mother before that. Looking back is easy, and what can easily be seen as stunting now, perhaps was looked at very differently then, thanks for the comments,

    Elizabeth

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  8. anl4 says:

    I found a couple of the words challenging. But that is the down-side and the joy of the wordle! You did a find job.

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  9. Traci B says:

    I don’t know; a limbo party poem might have been a fun exploration. Your direction has more depth, though. I think you did the theme and the wordle words justice, but if you’re dissatisfied, there’s nothing saying you have to leave it this way. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  10. I think you have written a real piece of truth here, Elizabeth. I love that you strip bare the whole quivering woman/redneck male thing, and say “a rebel blooms just beneath the surface”. I made that journey too, so I related well to this poem!

    And yes, goof, is an impossible word to use, but you managed it.

    Like

  11. vivinfrance says:

    I like the limbo connection, and the rest of the poem does not deserve your dislike! That stunted life thing: I think a lot of men would also think their lives were stunted by the necessity of earning a living in boring jobs.

    Like

  12. Renee Espriu says:

    Strong women are what keeps everything going. You’ve worded this well.

    Like

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