Self-Talk Matters

PAD Challenge #8  for Poetic Asides

For today’s prompt, write an agreement poem. There are a few obvious ways I see to approach this type of poem: 1. Write a poem in which there is an agreement made between two or more people, animals, or things; 2. Write a poem in which the narrator (or a character in the poem) agrees with everything–regardless of whether it’s beneficial to the person (or animal); or 3. Write a poem that is a contract (or proposed agreement) with the reader (a la Billy Collins). 

Okay, I confess this one had me stumped. Wasn’t at all clear about where or what to do with it. So, just started. What came out is long, and only in rough draft form. It will need future tweaking. And I only hope I can figure out how to do just that.

Okay, here’s the deal, the real
issue. It drives you nuts,
this self-destruct button
she keeps pushing. You know
there is nothing you can do,
say, give, to change that. She
told you, just the other day,
she will die by her own hand,
when she chooses, and that makes
both of you losers, in this dance,
you two keep doing.

                    “Yes, I agree, but…”

I know that you love her, will
always love her, for so many
complicated reasons. But, you
are only one old woman, with
too many seasons to go on hoping
for some miraculous opening,
some door you can both squeeze
through. It ain’t gonna happen. Give
it up, suck it up, turn your back, walk
away, and dammit, finally be
done with it.

“I can’t do that.”

Yes, you can, but you won’t, will
go right on choking on what
is inevitable. She isn’t stable.
Oh yah, for a while she faked it,
making you believe, now you cleave
to idea that it could happen again.
Can’t you see how long it’s been?
And it keeps getting worse, never
better.

“Yes, I know, but…”

We both know you saved her life,

“And she saved mine.”

Oh, so that means you owe her?
I’d say that makes you even.

“You seem to forget, I didn’t
go back, she is the one who
who tracked me down, and how
much that must have cost her.”

To do what? Play this game
where both of you are lamed,
unable to reach a conclusion?

“Maybe…”

Maybe’s are nothing but thin air,
and meanwhile your hair keeps
getting grayer. Your prayers go
unanswered, and your heart
is giving out, or haven’t you
noticed?

“Yes, all of that’s true, but now
you are choosing to skip over
one important fact.”

What, that you made some sort
of commitment? Now, you are going
to throw the God card at me, even
after all those long hard years
of total silence?

“You were there, didn’t object,
nor did you reject that commitment.
As a matter of fact, you completely
agreed, and we were both pleased
when asked to do so.”

Yah, but that was then,
this is now, and how do we bend,
how can we continue?

“That, my dear friend, is simple.
Just breathe in, deeply. After that
breath, we take the next step, whatever
it is, get on with being, just who we are,
and have been all along, letting it take us
as far as it can take us.”

Okay, I’ll agree that we must
continue this fight, but I retain
the right to come back, when pain
gets so bad, and sadness becomes
a sea that goes on forever. Lapping
away at whatever resolve you have
managed to gather.

“And I agree, you’ve got that right,
it is a fight, in which we have all been
battered. But, I am counting on you
to always come back, to remind me
that she, and we, are all that has
ever mattered.”

Elizabeth Crawford  11/8/10